this is sippey.com

"Let's say that I am someone who is generally very modest but I really want to share an achievement of mine. I tell you: "I hate to brag, but my dissertation defense kicked ass." I am not lying. I am telling you two truths. One is that I do hate to brag and two is that my dissertation defense went extremely well. The fact that I am in that moment bragging is an exception to a rule (hence my "but-head"). Sure, you can retort, "then don't [brag]" but, no offense, that would make you a butthead."

"For our anguish, they provided us each with a Pie-Oh-My concrete (one part real pumpkin pie, one part vanilla custard, smashed together) and a $10 gift card. Obviously, they should have provided us a lifetime of free Shack Burgers and a wall of remembrance, but we were too humble to suggest anything of that ilk."